Why You Should Be Putting Your Pronouns In Your Bio

If you’re on social media, or don’t live under a rock, you’ve probably seen people include their pronouns in their bio — whether it be on Instagram, Twitter, all the fun stuff.

If you don’t know what pronouns are, allow me to break them down for you:

If you’re a grammar nerd like myself, technically speaking, a pronoun is a word that can function by itself as a noun phrase and refers either to yourself in discourse (e.g., I, you) or someone/something mentioned (e.g., she, it, this).

Most commonly, you’ll likely stumble upon one of these three pronouns when you visit someone’s social media profile:

• She/her/hers — this means you refer to this person as she, her, or hers in discourse.
• He/him/his — this means you refer to this person as he, him, or his in discourse.
• They/them/theirs — this means you refer to this person as they, them, or theirs in discourse.

You will also see some people go by multiple pronouns, so it may look something like:

• He/they — this means you may refer to this person as he, him, his, or they, them, theirs.
• She/they — this means you may refer to this person as she, her, hers, or they, them, theirs.

Most commonly, you’ll see those who identify as non-binary use they/them or he/they or she/they pronouns. Non-binary is a term for people who aren’t comfortable being referred to as ‘man’ or ‘woman.’

Now back to the discussion at hand: most people tend to think that, if they’re cisgender, meaning they identify with the sex assigned to them at birth, why should they even disclose their pronouns if it’s “easy to tell what their gender is.”

Well, the answer is simple, yet not. The fact of the matter is, there’s no easy way to tell what someone’s gender may be or how they may identify. You don’t “look” transgender, and you don’t “look” non-binary. Assuming one’s gender simply based off appearance is offensive and perpetuates harmful stereotypes and transphobic rhetoric.

Disclosing your pronouns, whether it be in an email signature or your Instagram bio, helps normalise discussions about gender, especially for the trans and non-binary communities.

Because members of the non-binary and trans communities are often misgendered, it’s important for them to disclose their pronouns so they feel safe participating in discourse.

But doing this doesn’t and shouldn’t stop with the trans and non-binary communities.

Pronouns are an important move towards inclusivity: they allow everyone to feel safe in expressing themselves, it helps you avoid getting someone’s gender wrong, and it reduces the burden on our trans and non-binary friends so they don’t have to continuously explain their identity.

If you consider yourself an ally to the LGBTQIA* community, using your pronouns is a small move to you, but a big one that means the world to us. And when you do so, not only are you encouraging your cisgender friends to the same, but it’s a way to show members of the LGBTQIA* community that you care about their identity. It’s a badge of pride.

We as the LGBTQIA* community can only do so much when it comes to normalizing things like pronouns. And whether you’re a part of the community or not, I encourage you to put your pronouns wherever possible. With your help, we bridge the gap and open the conversation to pronouns and trans rights.

How It’s A Sin Is Opening People’s Eyes To The Stigma Around HIV/AIDS

I was recently recommended to watch a show called It’s A Sin, and I binged the entire thing within five hours.

If you haven’t heard of it before, It’s A Sin is a five-episode miniseries which follows a group of gay men who move to London in 1981, but the fast-developing HIV/AIDS epidemic in the United Kingdom impacts their lives.

I believe everyone can take a lesson or two away from this show: whether you’re straight, gay, lesbian, doesn’t matter. Chances are, you may not know as much about the HIV/AIDS epidemic as much as you think you do.

And before you keep reading, this isn’t a review or a recap. In fact, this post won’t contain any spoilers at all — because I think everyone can benefit from watching this show, and my writing can’t do the show justice.

Instead, the show highlights an important lesson many of the viewers take away with them when they finish watching.

This lesson is one of the most important ones many LGBT activists are still fighting to end: stop making assumptions or judging those who are living with HIV/AIDS.

Many people today still make others feel ashamed for living with HIV — roughly one in eight people who are diagnosed with HIV are denied health services due to the stigma around it.

While the stigma today isn’t the same as it was during the time period in It’s A Sin, we can’t pretend everyone is welcoming those who do have it with open arms. Because after all, that isn’t the truth. If I told you I have HIV, which I don’t, how would you react? Would you be confused, angry, disgusted, and stop being my friend? or would you be empathetic, caring, and understanding?

The human brain likes to tell ourselves we would be empathetic and understanding. But you won’t know the true answer until you’re put in that situation yourself.

“Whenever AIDS has won, stigma, shame, distrust, discrimination and apathy was on its side. Every time AIDS has been defeated, it has been because of trust, openness, dialogue between individuals and communities, family support, human solidarity, and the human perseverance to find new paths and solutions.”

Michel Sidibé, Executive Director of UNAIDS

During the 1980’s, the time period in which It’s A Sin is set in, almost nobody knew anything about HIV/AIDS (at the time it was called the “gay flu”) and how it was transmitted. This meant people were afraid of those who were sick and would avoid them like the plague. And when people would die of eventual AIDS, their family would say they died of pneumonia or cancer.

The fear people have against those who are living with HIV/AIDS also means that a lot of people falsely believe that:

• HIV/AIDS is a death sentence: while there was no cure or treatment for HIV/AIDS in the 1980’s, many people who are diagnosed with HIV today go on to live normal life expectancies, just like you and I. And those who take their medication prescribed daily, will eventually get an undetectable viral load, meaning they will not be able to transmit HIV to an HIV-negative person.
• HIV is only transmitted through sex: incorrect. HIV can be transmitted in various ways, by coming into direct contact with certain body fluids: blood, semen, rectal or vaginal fluids, and breast milk. For transmission to actually happen, these fluids must enter an HIV-negative person’s body through the rectum, vagina, mouth, tip of the penis, open cuts or sores, or by direct injection (needles).
• HIV is the result of personal irresponsibility or moral fault: many people who are living with HIV aren’t aware they have it. Approximately 1.4 million people in the U.S. are living with HIV, and 14 per cent aren’t aware of it. To save you the math, that’s 196,000 people who are unknowingly transmitting HIV to other people. So, no, HIV isn’t the result of irresponsibility. An HIV diagnosis doesn’t make someone dirty or irresponsible. You don’t know until you get tested.

In It’s A Sin, the stigma around HIV/AIDS is heartbreaking to watch — because it’s difficult to put yourself in those shoes. But it opens up a conversation more of us need to be having. And while it’s a cliché, don’t judge a book by its cover. You never know what someone who is living with HIV/AIDS may be going through.

Leave your ignorance at the door. It isn’t welcome in 2021.

To learn more about the HIV/AIDS stigma, click here.

To donate to AIDS United, click here.

To watch It’s A Sin on Prime Video (for my fellow Canadians), click here.

Why We Need To Work On Making PrEP More Accessible

Please note: this post discusses PrEP in Manitoba, Canada. What may be discussed here may not apply to you if you live elsewhere.

If you’re one of the at-risk groups for contracting HIV (human immunodeficiency virus), then you’ve probably heard of something called PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis).

Before we dive into what exactly PrEP is, let’s talk about who it can benefit:

According to HIV.gov, PrEP may benefit if you if you are HIV-negative and any one of the following apply to you:

You are a gay/bisexual man, and you:

• have an HIV-positive partner
• have multiple partners, a partner with multiple partners, or a partner whose HIV status is unknown–and you also:
  • have anal sex without a condom, or
  • recently had a sexually transmitted infection (STI)

You are a heterosexual male or female, and you:

• have an HIV-positive partner
• have multiple partners, a partner with multiple partners, or a partner whose HIV status is unknown–and you also:
  • don’t always use a condom for sex with people who inject drugs, or
  • don’t always use a condom for sex with bisexual men

You inject drugs, and you:

• share needles or equipment to inject drugs
• are at risk for getting HIV from sex

As you can clearly tell, PrEP isn’t just for men who identify as gay or bisexual. While HIV more commonly affects this particular group, we shouldn’t be singled out. This means PrEP can be used by so many people who can benefit from it — so why do we make it so inaccessible?

Before I continue, let’s break down what exactly PrEP is:

PrEP is an HIV prevention method, in which people who are HIV-negative take HIV medicine daily to prevent contracting the virus. If you are in one of the at-risk groups I listed above, PrEP can significantly reduce your chance of contracting HIV by 99%.

99% sounds pretty great, doesn’t it? I agree.

Now here’s the problem: do you have an extra $250-$1000 a month to shell out?

If you answered yes, then congratulations! Go get yourself some PrEP.

If you’re like me, and you answered no, then that’s exactly why the inaccessibility of PrEP is such a huge problem.

Tenofovir/Emtricitabine (Truvada), which is the most common brand used for PrEP, is not an eligible benefit covered under Manitoba Pharmacare.

But guess what?

Manitoba is the only province in Canada that doesn’t provide coverage for PrEP.

If that doesn’t upset you, then quite frankly, I don’t know what will.

Unless you have a third-party or private insurance company who may offer coverage for PrEP, even then, it’s not a guarantee.

So, I ask this question again: why are we making PrEP inaccessible for Manitobans who may need it the most?

As a province, we need to do better, and we need to take care of our community.

And taking care of our community doesn’t mean picking and choosing who we think deserves to live, and who we think deserves to die.

Let’s take this into consideration: In 2019, there were 121 new cases of HIV in Manitoba.

That may seem like a low number to you, but that’s because you don’t have HIV.

Those are 121 people who could have had a chance at still being HIV-negative today.

But now? It’s something they have to live with for the rest of their life.

As a gay man, I don’t feel comfortable having sex with a stranger, because how do I know if they’re HIV-positive? Sure, they can say no. But when was their last test? Do they have proof of being HIV-negative?

It sure sounds a little weird to ask someone for their STI panel before you have sex with them, doesn’t it?

We can take that worry away by making PrEP covered under Manitoba Pharmacare.

But is anyone putting in the work to make it more accessible?

I believe that Manitoba should step up and cover PrEP under their provincial healthcare plan. If we can save even a few lives every single year, then those are still live’s worth saving.

Even though you may not know someone living with HIV, those who do are someone’s friend, brother, sister, mother, father, grandmother, or grandfather.

You aren’t safe from HIV either.

Please use your voice to make PrEP more accessible.

If you want to learn more about PrEP, here are some helpful resources below:

Nine Circles Community Health Centre – PrEP information for healthcare providers

Manitoba 2019 HIV statistical update

CATIE (Canadian AIDS Treatment Information Exchange) – PrEP access and coverage

5 Benefits of Using Sex Toys

Sex toys are defined as an object used to provide or increase sexual pleasure, such as a dildo or a vibrator.

For some people, maybe that’s a cucumber. Or a carrot. But, please don’t put produce inside of you. Just don’t.

However, due to the stigma around sex toys, they can have a bed rep sometimes. Some people might think it’s weird to use a sex toy on your own, or some people in a relationship might not be ready to explore that side of things just yet. Or, some people just might not know enough about them to consider buying them.

So, for your convenience, I’ve compiled a list of the top five reasons you should be including a sex toy in your sex life, whether it be for yourself, or to spice up your relationship.

1. Better Sexual Performance

If you’re using a sex toy in bed with your partner, they can greatly increase the pleasure you experience. If you’re gay, vibrating anal beads or vibrating dildos can work really well. While I’m sure your sex life is already probably great, you and your partner will find the vibration sensations to be surprisingly really awesome.

2. Faster Orgasms

If you’re the type of person who wants sex to be over as quick as possible, you might be wanting you or your partner to have faster orgasms. Or, you might not be happy with the amount of time it takes for your partner to orgasm. Both of these can be solved by using sex toys – yes, really!

According to certified sexuality counselor and clinical sexologist (I didn’t even know this was a real job) Dr. Dawn Michael, sex toys like a penis ring or a prostate vibrator can easily make you orgasm much faster, which will not only help you feel better about yourself if you’re concerned about how long it takes for you to orgasm, your partner will appreciate it too.

3. Sexual and body awareness (and confidence!)

Let’s be honest, using a sex toy will make you more sexually aware, but it will make you more aware of your body, what you like and don’t like, and increase your confidence. I can say this from experience, because using sex toys has made me WAY more confident, and I’m very proud to admit that.

Using sex toys will also make you more aware of your erogenous zones. These are parts of your body that have heightened sensitivity, and stimulating them results in pleasure. In men, these erogenous zones are mainly the ears, neck, scrotum, nipples, and perineum (the ridge between the scrotum and the anus,) but some people can have different erogenous zones on their body, and that’s why it’s up to you to find them.

Obviously I’m not saying to put a vibrating dildo inside of your ear because it’s an erogenous zone, but what I am saying is investing in a vibrating sex toy and figuring out what parts of your body have the highest and lowest sensitivity will benefit you in the long run.

4. May help erectile dysfunction

If you have erectile dysfunction, don’t let it get you down. It can be heavy on your confidence and make you embarrassed when you go to have sex, but sex toys have even been proven to help with this as well.

And, no, erectile dysfunction doesn’t just apply to men who are 40 and up. Erectile dysfunction can be a side effect of many blood pressure medications and antidepressants, so don’t think you’re “too young” to have it even if you do.

Some of the things that can help you are ED rings, placed around the base of the penis to slow the flow of blood back from your penis to help maintain an erection. But if this doesn’t work for you, you could also look into specially-designed male vibrators that can help gain an erection and stimulate your nerve endings. But since I’m not a doctor, I can’t recommend anything because I’m not an expert in male sexual health.

If you want recommendations for erectile dysfunction, do NOT be afraid to bring up the idea of vibrators to your doctor. Trust me, they’ve seen and heard it all.

5. Improves relationships

If you feel like your relationship is missing that extra something but you can’t quite put your finger on it, the answer is likely a sex toy. For example, for gay men, your partner could use a vibrating penis ring while they’re inside of you, and they could use an anal toy inside of them at the same time, so everyone is stimulated and it’s one big happy stimulation party.

However, some people also tend to think if you have a sex toy, why are you in a relationship then? The thing is, if you’re already enjoying the sex without sex toys, using sex toys only enhances the pleasure. They aren’t going to take away from your partner. Sex toys mix things up in your relationship and keep things interesting – whether you’re into handcuffs, being tied up, or vibrators. There are SO many options for the both of you.

Besides, I really don’t think a sex toy can do much besides provide a few minutes of temporary pleasure. You can’t really compare an inanimate object to a real human being. Let your sex toys provide the extra pleasure you didn’t know you needed.

Now you’re ready to go out into the world and buy some sex toys! Some of my favourite sex toy stores in Canada are Adam & Eve, Lovehoney, and PinkCherry. They all have a wide array of options and price points for any budget, so I don’t want to hear any excuses about how you can’t afford them. You can!

Again, as I mentioned previously, don’t be afraid to just look at dildos and vibrators. Look at as much stuff as you can and READ REVIEWS. There might even be something better than dildos and vibrators you might be interested in, you never know until you try!

Thanks for reading, and see you next week. 🙂

What Does Top Or Bottom Mean?

What does being a “top” or a “bottom” mean?

Well – I’m glad you asked! If you aren’t part of the LGBTQ community, you might be confused as to what the terms “top” and “bottom” mean in gay culture. These two terms can be broken down more, which can be even more confusing, so here’s an easy guide on what these terms mean:

Top: Being a “top” in the LGBTQ community means you are the one who will be giving during sex. This also means you will often be the one who would be receiving oral sex.

Bottom: Being a “bottom” in the LGBTQ community means you are the one who will be receiving during sex. This also means you will often be the one who would be giving oral sex.

Seems simple enough, right? Here’s where things can get a little more confusing when we bring in the term “versatile”, or “vers”.

Vers Top: Being a “vers top” means you prefer to give rather than receive during sex, but occasionally you will choose to be the one who receives.

Vers Bottom: Being a “vers bottom” means you prefer to receive rather than give during sex, but occasionally you will choose to be the one gives.

Versatile/Vers: This one seems to be the most common role in the LGBTQ community. Being “versatile/vers” means you can do either position and don’t necessarily have a preference.

And that’s your simple guide on what being a “top” and being a “bottom” means. But remember, if you took anything from last week’s post on “10 Things To Never Say To A Gay Person”, make sure you don’t go around asking any gay person you see if they’re a top or a bottom. If you want to know why you shouldn’t say that, go read that post! Please. Do yourself and myself the favour and embarrassment.

Thanks for reading, see you next week!