5 Benefits of Using Sex Toys

Sex toys are defined as an object used to provide or increase sexual pleasure, such as a dildo or a vibrator.

For some people, maybe that’s a cucumber. Or a carrot. But, please don’t put produce inside of you. Just don’t.

However, due to the stigma around sex toys, they can have a bed rep sometimes. Some people might think it’s weird to use a sex toy on your own, or some people in a relationship might not be ready to explore that side of things just yet. Or, some people just might not know enough about them to consider buying them.

So, for your convenience, I’ve compiled a list of the top five reasons you should be including a sex toy in your sex life, whether it be for yourself, or to spice up your relationship.

1. Better Sexual Performance

If you’re using a sex toy in bed with your partner, they can greatly increase the pleasure you experience. If you’re gay, vibrating anal beads or vibrating dildos can work really well. While I’m sure your sex life is already probably great, you and your partner will find the vibration sensations to be surprisingly really awesome.

2. Faster Orgasms

If you’re the type of person who wants sex to be over as quick as possible, you might be wanting you or your partner to have faster orgasms. Or, you might not be happy with the amount of time it takes for your partner to orgasm. Both of these can be solved by using sex toys – yes, really!

According to certified sexuality counselor and clinical sexologist (I didn’t even know this was a real job) Dr. Dawn Michael, sex toys like a penis ring or a prostate vibrator can easily make you orgasm much faster, which will not only help you feel better about yourself if you’re concerned about how long it takes for you to orgasm, your partner will appreciate it too.

3. Sexual and body awareness (and confidence!)

Let’s be honest, using a sex toy will make you more sexually aware, but it will make you more aware of your body, what you like and don’t like, and increase your confidence. I can say this from experience, because using sex toys has made me WAY more confident, and I’m very proud to admit that.

Using sex toys will also make you more aware of your erogenous zones. These are parts of your body that have heightened sensitivity, and stimulating them results in pleasure. In men, these erogenous zones are mainly the ears, neck, scrotum, nipples, and perineum (the ridge between the scrotum and the anus,) but some people can have different erogenous zones on their body, and that’s why it’s up to you to find them.

Obviously I’m not saying to put a vibrating dildo inside of your ear because it’s an erogenous zone, but what I am saying is investing in a vibrating sex toy and figuring out what parts of your body have the highest and lowest sensitivity will benefit you in the long run.

4. May help erectile dysfunction

If you have erectile dysfunction, don’t let it get you down. It can be heavy on your confidence and make you embarrassed when you go to have sex, but sex toys have even been proven to help with this as well.

And, no, erectile dysfunction doesn’t just apply to men who are 40 and up. Erectile dysfunction can be a side effect of many blood pressure medications and antidepressants, so don’t think you’re “too young” to have it even if you do.

Some of the things that can help you are ED rings, placed around the base of the penis to slow the flow of blood back from your penis to help maintain an erection. But if this doesn’t work for you, you could also look into specially-designed male vibrators that can help gain an erection and stimulate your nerve endings. But since I’m not a doctor, I can’t recommend anything because I’m not an expert in male sexual health.

If you want recommendations for erectile dysfunction, do NOT be afraid to bring up the idea of vibrators to your doctor. Trust me, they’ve seen and heard it all.

5. Improves relationships

If you feel like your relationship is missing that extra something but you can’t quite put your finger on it, the answer is likely a sex toy. For example, for gay men, your partner could use a vibrating penis ring while they’re inside of you, and they could use an anal toy inside of them at the same time, so everyone is stimulated and it’s one big happy stimulation party.

However, some people also tend to think if you have a sex toy, why are you in a relationship then? The thing is, if you’re already enjoying the sex without sex toys, using sex toys only enhances the pleasure. They aren’t going to take away from your partner. Sex toys mix things up in your relationship and keep things interesting – whether you’re into handcuffs, being tied up, or vibrators. There are SO many options for the both of you.

Besides, I really don’t think a sex toy can do much besides provide a few minutes of temporary pleasure. You can’t really compare an inanimate object to a real human being. Let your sex toys provide the extra pleasure you didn’t know you needed.

Now you’re ready to go out into the world and buy some sex toys! Some of my favourite sex toy stores in Canada are Adam & Eve, Lovehoney, and PinkCherry. They all have a wide array of options and price points for any budget, so I don’t want to hear any excuses about how you can’t afford them. You can!

Again, as I mentioned previously, don’t be afraid to just look at dildos and vibrators. Look at as much stuff as you can and READ REVIEWS. There might even be something better than dildos and vibrators you might be interested in, you never know until you try!

Thanks for reading, and see you next week. 🙂

Coming Out: It Ain’t Easy

Ah, coming out.

Alexa, play “I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross.

Kidding. This isn’t an Amazon sponsorship (it could be if Amazon so chooses).

The dawn of age for every young gay (or “older gay,” depending on when you came out) where they officially tell their family and friends they’re gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender.

People come out for various reasons. Either they want to start dating someone of the same gender and be able to tell other people, or they don’t want people to keep making assumptions about their sexuality.

For some people, this can be an easy task. You build up the courage, go out to the living room, sit down with your parents, shed a few tears. Best case scenario is they embrace you and tell you they still love you.

For others (and myself), not so much. Depending on your situation, there can be religious issues, or your parents can simply just have grown up a more traditional way and don’t view homosexuality as something that is “right.” Regardless, if you’re someone like me who hasn’t come out to their parents, and don’t know if you’ll ever be able to, it can be frightening to imagine the outcome if you did.

In terms of my friends, of course they know I’m gay. If you haven’t seen my Instagram, it literally screams gay; so coming out to my friends isn’t an issue. However, I didn’t officially “come out” to my friends until grade nine. Even then, I didn’t fully express my sexuality until after graduating high school. Today, I’m extremely thankful for the support I receive whenever I do something that breaks typical gender stereotypes, like wearing heels (I look AMAZING in heels btw, not to toot my own horn.)

The point of the fact is, coming out isn’t something all of us can do. Sure, it’s a rewarding thing to do, but I don’t view it as the end of the world if I don’t. My mom turned 60-years-old this year and grew up in the mountains of Croatia, so she’s extremely traditional. If I can’t change her mind, I can’t.

So, if someone you know hasn’t come out, or you’re just meeting someone and eventually find out they haven’t, don’t instantly ask them a million questions on why they haven’t. Simply put, it’s none of your business.

Thanks for reading, and see you next week. 🙂

What Does Top Or Bottom Mean?

What does being a “top” or a “bottom” mean?

Well – I’m glad you asked! If you aren’t part of the LGBTQ community, you might be confused as to what the terms “top” and “bottom” mean in gay culture. These two terms can be broken down more, which can be even more confusing, so here’s an easy guide on what these terms mean:

Top: Being a “top” in the LGBTQ community means you are the one who will be giving during sex. This also means you will often be the one who would be receiving oral sex.

Bottom: Being a “bottom” in the LGBTQ community means you are the one who will be receiving during sex. This also means you will often be the one who would be giving oral sex.

Seems simple enough, right? Here’s where things can get a little more confusing when we bring in the term “versatile”, or “vers”.

Vers Top: Being a “vers top” means you prefer to give rather than receive during sex, but occasionally you will choose to be the one who receives.

Vers Bottom: Being a “vers bottom” means you prefer to receive rather than give during sex, but occasionally you will choose to be the one gives.

Versatile/Vers: This one seems to be the most common role in the LGBTQ community. Being “versatile/vers” means you can do either position and don’t necessarily have a preference.

And that’s your simple guide on what being a “top” and being a “bottom” means. But remember, if you took anything from last week’s post on “10 Things To Never Say To A Gay Person”, make sure you don’t go around asking any gay person you see if they’re a top or a bottom. If you want to know why you shouldn’t say that, go read that post! Please. Do yourself and myself the favour and embarrassment.

Thanks for reading, see you next week!

10 Things To Never Say To A Gay Person

About 5% of people in Canada are gay – which equals out to be about 1.8 million people. So, you’d think by now people know how to act appropriately around gay people. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case and oftentimes gay people are put in awkward situations when straight people don’t know their boundaries. Here are 10 things you should never say to a gay person:

1. How did you decide you were gay?

This one ticks a lot of people off because, to put it shortly, being gay isn’t a choice. Trust me, if it was a choice, do you think I would choose to love men? I can barely stand them.

I didn’t wake up one day on a beautiful sunny morning and think to myself, “I think I’m gonna be gay today.” That’s not how it works. Accepting yourself for who you are is a long and difficult process depending on your situation with family, friends, etc.

2. Are you a top or a bottom?

This one doesn’t need much of an explanation because it’s simply rude. Asking a gay person if they’re a top or bottom is the same thing as going up to a straight person and saying, “What’s your favourite sex position?” and if you do ask these questions out of the blue, what are you doing? Unless you’re on a best-friend basis with them, keep this one to yourself.

3. How does (xyz) not know you’re gay? You’re like a walking rainbow!

You might mean this as a joke or maybe even a compliment, but it doesn’t come off that way. Not everyone has a loving and accepting family like most. Just because you grew up a certain way, doesn’t mean every other gay person has the same exact relationship you had with your mom/dad. Depending on the situation it can be extremely difficult for a gay person to come out to their family, and sometimes this situation can mean choosing between living on the street or pretending to be someone else so that they have a roof over their head.

So, before assuming someone’s situation at home, don’t say this to someone.

4. Who’s the man/woman in the relationship?

Thankfully I’ve never been asked this question, but I know many people who have. The answer to this question is really quite simple: neither. The whole point of a gay relationship is that both of them are the man in the relationship. They both have penises, right? Right.

5. OMG, are you single? My other friend is gay and you guys would be perfect together!

We know you mean well by asking this question, but we don’t need you to play matchmaker for us. Just because two men are gay doesn’t mean they’re going to instantly click and get married right away. Just like any other relationship, we need to get to know each other first and see if we’re interested in each other. Sound familiar?

Oftentimes if those two gay men do end up dating and eventually break up, it makes it awkward if you’re friends with both of them.

But if you do want to introduce two gay men to each other, please do it in a more subtle way. I’m sure you’ll find a way to make it happen, but this isn’t a soap opera.

6. Can you be my GBF (gay best friend)?

Gay men are not your accessory. Point blank period. Be their best friend because your personalities go well together and you genuinely enjoy hanging out, not because you want a trophy to bring around saying, “look! I support the gays!”

7. Whoa, you’re gay? Just don’t try to have sex with me, alright?

I think this is something many delusional straight men need to hear. Not only does saying this make you sound extremely rude and obnoxious, we aren’t going to waste our precious time on chasing someone like you who isn’t even mildly interested in men when we have a plethora of gay men to choose from if we really want to have sex with someone.

8. How do you know you’re gay if you’ve never been with a girl before?

How do you know you’re straight if you’ve never been with a girl before? You can’t just assume that all gay men are confused. It’s extremely disrespectful to make us question who we choose to sleep with.

9. You should take me shopping! I bet you have an amazing sense of fashion.

Do I really wanna take you shopping? Probably not. Do I also want to follow you around to all your favourite stores and watch you try things on for hours on end? The answer is also probably not. Being your personal stylist is not a gay man’s ideal weekend outing.

How do you also know I have a sense of fashion simply because I’m gay? What if I end up having no fashion sense at all? Hire an actual stylist if you really want someone to give you clothes.

10. If you were straight, would you date me?

First of all, I don’t want to be straight, so I don’t know why you would even ask me this question. And even if I was in some other dimension, how do you know you would be my type?