What Does Top Or Bottom Mean?

What does being a “top” or a “bottom” mean?

Well – I’m glad you asked! If you aren’t part of the LGBTQ community, you might be confused as to what the terms “top” and “bottom” mean in gay culture. These two terms can be broken down more, which can be even more confusing, so here’s an easy guide on what these terms mean:

Top: Being a “top” in the LGBTQ community means you are the one who will be giving during sex. This also means you will often be the one who would be receiving oral sex.

Bottom: Being a “bottom” in the LGBTQ community means you are the one who will be receiving during sex. This also means you will often be the one who would be giving oral sex.

Seems simple enough, right? Here’s where things can get a little more confusing when we bring in the term “versatile”, or “vers”.

Vers Top: Being a “vers top” means you prefer to give rather than receive during sex, but occasionally you will choose to be the one who receives.

Vers Bottom: Being a “vers bottom” means you prefer to receive rather than give during sex, but occasionally you will choose to be the one gives.

Versatile/Vers: This one seems to be the most common role in the LGBTQ community. Being “versatile/vers” means you can do either position and don’t necessarily have a preference.

And that’s your simple guide on what being a “top” and being a “bottom” means. But remember, if you took anything from last week’s post on “10 Things To Never Say To A Gay Person”, make sure you don’t go around asking any gay person you see if they’re a top or a bottom. If you want to know why you shouldn’t say that, go read that post! Please. Do yourself and myself the favour and embarrassment.

Thanks for reading, see you next week!

10 Things To Never Say To A Gay Person

About 5% of people in Canada are gay – which equals out to be about 1.8 million people. So, you’d think by now people know how to act appropriately around gay people. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case and oftentimes gay people are put in awkward situations when straight people don’t know their boundaries. Here are 10 things you should never say to a gay person:

1. How did you decide you were gay?

This one ticks a lot of people off because, to put it shortly, being gay isn’t a choice. Trust me, if it was a choice, do you think I would choose to love men? I can barely stand them.

I didn’t wake up one day on a beautiful sunny morning and think to myself, “I think I’m gonna be gay today.” That’s not how it works. Accepting yourself for who you are is a long and difficult process depending on your situation with family, friends, etc.

2. Are you a top or a bottom?

This one doesn’t need much of an explanation because it’s simply rude. Asking a gay person if they’re a top or bottom is the same thing as going up to a straight person and saying, “What’s your favourite sex position?” and if you do ask these questions out of the blue, what are you doing? Unless you’re on a best-friend basis with them, keep this one to yourself.

3. How does (xyz) not know you’re gay? You’re like a walking rainbow!

You might mean this as a joke or maybe even a compliment, but it doesn’t come off that way. Not everyone has a loving and accepting family like most. Just because you grew up a certain way, doesn’t mean every other gay person has the same exact relationship you had with your mom/dad. Depending on the situation it can be extremely difficult for a gay person to come out to their family, and sometimes this situation can mean choosing between living on the street or pretending to be someone else so that they have a roof over their head.

So, before assuming someone’s situation at home, don’t say this to someone.

4. Who’s the man/woman in the relationship?

Thankfully I’ve never been asked this question, but I know many people who have. The answer to this question is really quite simple: neither. The whole point of a gay relationship is that both of them are the man in the relationship. They both have penises, right? Right.

5. OMG, are you single? My other friend is gay and you guys would be perfect together!

We know you mean well by asking this question, but we don’t need you to play matchmaker for us. Just because two men are gay doesn’t mean they’re going to instantly click and get married right away. Just like any other relationship, we need to get to know each other first and see if we’re interested in each other. Sound familiar?

Oftentimes if those two gay men do end up dating and eventually break up, it makes it awkward if you’re friends with both of them.

But if you do want to introduce two gay men to each other, please do it in a more subtle way. I’m sure you’ll find a way to make it happen, but this isn’t a soap opera.

6. Can you be my GBF (gay best friend)?

Gay men are not your accessory. Point blank period. Be their best friend because your personalities go well together and you genuinely enjoy hanging out, not because you want a trophy to bring around saying, “look! I support the gays!”

7. Whoa, you’re gay? Just don’t try to have sex with me, alright?

I think this is something many delusional straight men need to hear. Not only does saying this make you sound extremely rude and obnoxious, we aren’t going to waste our precious time on chasing someone like you who isn’t even mildly interested in men when we have a plethora of gay men to choose from if we really want to have sex with someone.

8. How do you know you’re gay if you’ve never been with a girl before?

How do you know you’re straight if you’ve never been with a girl before? You can’t just assume that all gay men are confused. It’s extremely disrespectful to make us question who we choose to sleep with.

9. You should take me shopping! I bet you have an amazing sense of fashion.

Do I really wanna take you shopping? Probably not. Do I also want to follow you around to all your favourite stores and watch you try things on for hours on end? The answer is also probably not. Being your personal stylist is not a gay man’s ideal weekend outing.

How do you also know I have a sense of fashion simply because I’m gay? What if I end up having no fashion sense at all? Hire an actual stylist if you really want someone to give you clothes.

10. If you were straight, would you date me?

First of all, I don’t want to be straight, so I don’t know why you would even ask me this question. And even if I was in some other dimension, how do you know you would be my type?